Body Peace – Learning to Love Myself Again

I have never been one to worry about my weight. When I was younger, I knew I was bigger than most girls but it never really bothered me. If I lost weight, cool but by golly, I was going to eat what I wanted. My motto for most of my life was, “we are all going to die so might as well die happy.”

Now, after years of seeing stick thin celebrities and advertisements showing “the ideal” women..I feel like that mentality has faltered. In the last year I have become obsessed with trying to lose weight. I’m at my highest weight I’ve been but still not overly overweight by any means. I more am obsessed with trying to get back to where I was a few years ago. 3 or so years ago, I went to the gym almost everyday and counted calories. I lost almost 30 lbs and loved how I looked. I’m 5’4 so even 5 pounds lost is noticed. I don’t think I appreciated all of my hard work then. After a breakup of 4 years, I became one with alcohol and bad food choices. I went out to eat more times then not and almost always paired with at least two drinks. Needless to say, I gained weight slowly but surely.Now, I’m eating “cleaner” then I have in awhile. My idea of clean isn’t perfect. I still have weaknesses of pizza but I’m trying to make healthier choices. I don’t like how obsessed I’ve become with eating healthier. I think I’m trying to find that motivation I had 3 years ago but i was a college student then, working a part time job. Now I spend 8 hours at work and an hour commuting each way. Excuses I know but I know the motivation is in me. I just have to find it and make it work with my new lifestyle.

My senior project deliverable was a “Body Peace” workshop for teenage girls. At the end, I made the teenage girls sign a pledge to love their body, to recognize that celebrities are all photoshopped, and to never regret a choice of food they make. This is how I want to live. I want to love my body, make smart choices, and never regret a choice-even if it’s bad. 

My other motto in life has always been, “if you don’t like something, change it.” I’m torn between wanting to love my body and wanting to change it. The mixed messages of the media doesn’t help. All I can say is that each day is a battle. But slowly I will learn to be happier with my body – even if that means accepting everything that comes with it. This journey will be hard but it will be worth it.


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